SmartMouth Talks!
Attention!
There is considerable debate about attention spans and about the effects of the digital world and handheld devices. Interestingly enough, just a few decades ago, the debate focused on the effect that television was having on attention spans. Digital devices like smartphones and tablets are just the latest and greatest scapegoats. Whether they have or haven’t contributed to diminishing attention spans, it is certainly mind-boggling to realize that, with Twitter, full-bodied messages can be delivered in 140 characters or less.
The change in attention spans is often discussed in negative terms, as a deterioration in our ability to focus. But I think we have to ask ourselves, is this really a bad thing? I prefer to look at the phenomenon as a market disruption or correction that is forcing communications to adopt the often-touted corporate principles of leanness and efficiency. As companies try to increase engagement and productivity, improving communication—by cutting out waste—could be quite effective. Being brief and to the point may require a little extra effort, but it can accomplish a lot and save precious time.
Many studies have now measured adult attention spans— where they are and how they’ve changed over the years. There are reports suggesting that in just the last decade, the average adult attention span has shrunk from highs of twelve to eighteen minutes and to lows of three to five minutes, depending on the study’s focus and the environments of the participants. Some studies look at how long people can concentrate on a task; others look at their attentiveness while listening. Yet how long people can pay attention to a speaker depends on tremendous variables that can make it hard to measure: the comfort and conduciveness of the environment, the speaker’s voice quality and modulation, the actual content, whether there are effective visuals or good stories, what the objective is for the audience, and whether they understand that objective. The ability to focus is, afte r all, crucial to the achievement of an objective, so audience motivation levels can vary as well.
In addition, there are two types of attention: “transient attention,” which refers to a short-term stimulus that attracts or distracts attention; and “focused attention,” which refers to the attention given to a task or a speaker. Transient attention comes out pretty consistently at eight seconds, and we’ll address this a little later in the chapter. Focused attention is where much of the debate lies and is the type for which experts claim that attention spans are as short as five minutes and as long as twenty.
[Excerpted from Jock Talk: 5 Communication Principles for Leaders as Exemplified by Legends of the Sports World, http://amzn.to/1vkcxjz]
Short & Sweet
Let’s face it, when you hear those three words – in relation to a meeting, speech or presentation – it’s like music to your ears, right?
Now ask yourself this: When was the last time you complained because a speaker or a meeting finished early? Probably never? Let’s go with never.
Regardless of how brilliant or compelling a speaker’s material is, audiences get downright annoyed when speakers are long-winded or go over their allotted time. In these cases, even if the content is stellar, the takeaway is a less-than-stellar impression. When people use the words “brief and to the point” to describe a speaker or presenter’s performance, it is usually high praise.
In fact, in my coaching practice, executives often come to me for help in “becoming more concise” or “making a point succinctly.” Those are common goals for coaching engagements, and it’s because the inability to be more concise or to make a point succinctly can be a career blocker. The opposite is also true; brevity can enhance a career.
Think about being that person, the one who finishes early. You know you appreciate it, so your audience surely will as well!
[Excerpted from Jock Talk: 5 Communication Principles for Leaders as Exemplified by Legends of the Sports World, http://amzn.to/1vkcxjz]
Positives First
Just like an alley-oop pass to a teammate, “lobbing one to the other guy” can also score points. Being gracious in your communications is often unexpected in certain circumstances and can therefore be unnerving to the competition or opposition.
In my work with political candidates, I’ve seen that “making love and peace, not hate and war” works best when it comes to rhetoric. Audiences—in this case, voters—can be put off by the negativity and confrontations that candidates often engage in during debates or media interviews. It can be a turnoff. On the other hand, they seem willing to listen and offer support if the candidate sounds more positive.
Let me share a bit of advice I always give candidates. There are some basic questions they need to be prepared to answer, including, “How are you different from your opponent?” My advice is to first address the similarities—that is, to list a few admirable traits they both have in common – and then get to the parts where they differ. So, the answer might go something like this: “Candidate X and I are both extremely family-oriented and dedicated public servants who want the best for all residents in terms of jobs and education for our children, but we see some of the issues a little differently . . .” A little alley-oop – and then the slam dunk!
Here you can see the rule of first impressions at play. If you come out swinging and then soften up, people are likely to remember the swinging. If you come out gently and graciously and then take subtle swings, the graciousness is likely to stick. Positives first.
[Excerpted from Jock Talk: 5 Communication Principles for Leaders as Exemplified by Legends of the Sports World, http://amzn.to/1vkcx]
The Positive Power of Graciousness
When communicationg around challenges, loss, difficulties, or outright defeat, hitting notes of graciousness is hard. There may be hurt, anger, or deep disappointment involved, all of which can cloud a person’s ability to be his or her best self. Or there may be intense competition in the air, which also makes clearheaded, articulate graciousness more difficult to draw on. Finding it somehow, even under these circumstances, is what distinguishes you as a leader.
Yes, it may be difficult to get to higher ground, but speakers sound more appealing when they’re communicating positive and hopeful messages rather than negative and angry ones. They’re more likely to get things done, too, in that carrot-versus-stick way. In a study of the qualities and impact of positive and negative words publishes by EPJ Data Science in 2012, it was noted “that the process of communication between humans, which is know to optimizw information transfer also creates a bias towards positive emotional content… The expression of positive emotions increases the level of communication and strengthens social links.” The study found that the frequency of usage for positive words is higher than for negative words, but that negative words carry more information, becuase they serve a different purpose, namely, “that of transmitting highly informati ve and relevant events,” such as a threat or danger. Positive words, on the other hand, lead to more cooperation.
If we step back, then, and look at the types of communications leaders are most often engaged in –motivating, inspiring, selling, persuading, influencing — we find an imperative for more positive words and phrasing. Leaders are responsible for cultivating teams and for maintaining and building their franchise, the brand, and the business. As former Chrysler CEO Lee Lacocca once said, “Management is nothing more than motivating people.”
[Excerpted from Jock Talk: 5 Communication Principles for Leaders as Exemplified by Legends of the Sports World, http://amzn.to/1vkcxjz]
Getting Real
When you speak publicly, transparency applies to both your content and your delivery. Are you transparent in words and emotion? Do they match? What does your demeanor suggest about how authentic and trustworthy you are? Are you trying to spin the situation, are you holding back, or are you spilling it all out? And are you acknowledging your feelings? For example, would you say something like, “This situation is emotional for me, so bear with me while I get it all out” or “I wish I could say more, but I can’t at this time” or “I have tough news to share, but I’m going to try and put the best possible light on it so you see the bright side”?
You should. A show of transparency and authenticity builds credibility and trust in ways that are immeasurable.
[Excerpted from Jock Talk: 5 Communication Principles for Leaders as Exemplified by Legends of the Sports World, http://amzn.to/1vkcx]
Holiday Greetings!
The Thing About Transparency …
The thing about transparency is that it shows. Period. When you’re open and direct, it shows; when you’re obtuse or avoidant, it also shows.
The bottom line with transparency is this: If something is true and real and you’re thinking it, feeling it, or wanting it, then communicate it. When a batter squares to bunt, people know what’s coming. You might as well be the leader or speaker who also lets people know what’s coming. Be straight up with information as well as with your feelings and reactions.
[Excerpted from Jock Talk: 5 Communication Principles for Leaders as Exemplified by Legends of the Sports World, http://amzn.to/1vkcxjz]
Audience-Centricity: Honor the Contract
When you get up to talk or take the microphone at an event, it is not, and should not, be all about you—not if you want to be effective, impressive, and memorable, that is. There is an unwritten, unspoken contract with your audience that you, the speaker, will entertain, enlighten, or energize them. Personal stories need to support a point. The time you take needs to be used to deliver something of value. An audience waits for something new, useful, beneficial, or fun. Audiences like to be acknowledged somehow. In order to deliver on any or all of this, you must prepare your remarks with your audience’s experience in mind. That is the essence of being audience-centric.
Audiences all have biases, self-interests, and expectations. They have a very basic “what’s in it for me?” thread running through their subconscious. They want something in exchange for their time and attention. As if that weren’t enough, they also don’t want to work hard. Unless you guide them and tell them where you’re taking them, they won’t make the connections and get there on their own. To make matters slightly more challenging, competition for people’s attention is tougher, and their devices—cell phones, laptops, tablets—are ubiquitous (although the presence of devices can also be a good thing, as increasingly people use them to take notes).
Finally, an audience sizes you up immediately and, within seconds, decides if you are worth their attention and engagement. There are studies showing that this happens in the first eight seconds. Think about that: In the first eight seconds, people decide whether to listen to you or not. This certainly puts some weight on how you open your talk.
All of this adds up to a tall order. It demands that you, the speaker, think about your audience more than just superficially. Your topic and your time allotment may be fixed, but your audience is a variable, and that should guide you in preparing what you deliver and how. The experience you give them will stay with them longer than any words or data you share.
Audience-Centricity is a Gift
Consider the word “present.” In communications coaching, I typically use it as a verb, but if you look at it as a noun, it’s present, as in gift. Think about audience-centricity as a gift to your audiences. As with birthday or holiday gifts, people love something they can use, enjoy, or learn from. You should plan to give a present every time you present! If you want to be that speaker who is memorable, then be extremely selective and targeted. Take a few extra minutes and identify a big idea, a “so what,” or a key takeaway for your audience, and then prioritize exactly what and how you’re going to present. Be audience-centric and don’t just present (v), deliver a present (n).
What’s Playing in Your Head?
When it’s your turn to approach the front of the room to speak or present, what are you telling yourself? What are you imagining you look like? Do you have an old tape or some old film footage from junior high playing in your head?
You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?
It’s the tape that plays a decades-old old recording about how awkward you are or how tongue-tied you get in front of a group or how everyone will look at you like you don’t know what you’re talking about. Maybe it’s the film footage that showcases your frizzy hair or big glasses, or that plays re-runs of the time you bumbled your way through your oral report because it was the one and only time you really didn’t prepare … yet you got called on.
Yep, we all have old tapes that play in our heads.
Let’s flash forward, though. Where are you now? You’re in a different spot, aren’t you? You look good, you feel good, you’re experiencing some measure of success, and the people around you think you’re perfectly confident in front of a group – in fact, other people think you have it all sewn up.
But you still find yourself unable to breathe as you approach the front of the room and dreading – or at least resisting – any version of public speaking. Am I right?
Public speaking – whether a formal speech or presentation or just leading a meeting – often brings out unexpected levels of anxiety in otherwise bright, accomplished, articulate people. I have discovered in my practice as a communications coach that more often than not, it’s because of old tape recordings and film footage; people who had bad self-images or experiences in their formative years carry those forward into their professional lives … and into their presentations.
You don’t need to do that, and so let’s take a look at how you can record new sounds and images over the old tape so that your confidence is coming from inside of you and oozing out. Let’s look at your body and your mind:
Your Body. Amy Cuddy’s TEDTalk “Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are” has had over 4 million views in two years and, most recently, a feature spread in The New York Times Sunday Styles section [link]. Amy is a social psychologist and an associate professor at Harvard who shares her research about how “power posing – standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident – can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success.” She advises getting big in stance and posture in several different ways – often with arms and legs wide and body, upright and tall.
I have tried Amy’s power posing suggestions, and I love them! If you haven’t seen it yet, I encourage you to watch her TEDTalk [link], it’s inspiring and empowering. And then try out a few poses and see what happens when you make yourself and your stature bigger. (Hint: Wonder Woman lives on … in you!)
Your Mind. If your body language sends a message to your brain, then let’s finish the conversation – the internal conversation, that is. That’s where I want to focus: what you say to yourself, what your “self-talk” sounds like.
Self-talk. Think about the various ways you employ self-talk and the various words and phrases you use. Yes, you talk to yourself in your head.
For example: I knock over my coffee mug and now my pile of bills that I sat down to pay are stained with a lovely sepia tone. As I mop it up with a paper towel, I say, “Arrggh, Beth, what is wrong with you? Expletive, expletive.”
Or this example: I am on the phone with a potential client, and in my answer to his question about executive communications coaching, I find myself exuberantly explaining the full range of my services. I hang up the phone and say to myself, “Beth, you really go overboard sometimes, get a grip on yourself. Of all people, you should know better, ugh!”
Or worse yet (and this is a true story from 10 years ago): It’s moments before a large presentation in front of a new client and I say to myself, “Beth, of all the hare-brained ideas you’ve ever had, this one takes the cake! Why on earth would anyone pay to hear what you have to say?”
Big red flags. Bad self-talk. Surely I – and you – can do better. We can be more aware of how we talk to ourselves, change the tape, and develop the words and the ways to be encouraging, positive, or even playful instead.
When you’re approaching the front of the room, I want you to say some version of “Go git ‘em!” to yourself. It might be, “This will be a win, I know it!” or “I am as prepared as I need to be, and I am the best person to do this presentation!” or “I am here to engage, it’s time for me to be present with the audience!”
A new era, a new day, and a new tape playing in your head. Tell your mind what you want, and I bet you’ll start to manifest your success at the front of the room.
Since we started in junior high, let me give you some homework: Beginning right now, jot down everything you “say” to yourself along with the time of day for each one. Keep track for 24 hours, and then look at the list, the frequency and the types of “comments.” If there are any particular patterns, take note. Then, looking at the list, ask yourself, “What if I had said something positive to myself instead? What would that have been, what could it have been?” Write down the alternatives and hold onto them.
You’re already on your way to a more positive dialogue with yourself!
